CARING
FOR A LOVED ONE WHO IS SICK
OR WHO HAS DIED
The priests of Sacred Heart Parish have prepared
this booklet for you in the hope that it may prove
beneficial to you when called upon to meet the
spiritual needs of a loved one who is sick or
dying and in need of pastoral care. Please feel
free to call one of us at any time if we can be of
service to you.
WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE
IS SICK
We are happy to pray for your loved ones
personally while they are ill. In addition, we
will gladly place their names on the sick list
that appears every week in the bulletin. They will
also be prayed for during the Prayer of the
Faithful at the Weekday Mass. Simply call the
rectory and we will include your loved ones in our
prayers. We ask you to please call the rectory and
notify us when the time has arrived in which they
are no longer in need of our prayers so we can
remove their names from the list. If they are in
the hospital, make sure that when they register
they indicate that they are Catholic. This will
insure that the chaplain will stop by and visit
them so that they will be able to receive the
sacraments during their stay.
WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE
IS DYING
As we know, death is not the end of our lives but
our birth to a far greater life for us with
Christ. It can, nonetheless, be a very painful and
difficult period of transition, not only for the
one who is being called home to the Lord but also
for his family and friends. Having the family
present to celebrate the Anointing of the Sick
with the person is a powerful way of preparing not
only the person who is dying but also the family
of the sick person for their loved one's passing.
If at any time you fear that a loved one is in
danger of death, please call the rectory and ask
for a priest to come and anoint your loved one. It
is not necessary to wait until the moment of death
in order to call a priest; in fact, calling and
making an appointment for the priest to come at a
time when the whole family can gather is normally
a better way to celebrate the Sacrament. Do not,
however, hesitate to call us when a loved one is
in an emergency situation. We are on call 24 hours
a day for precisely this purpose.
LIVING WILLS AND
EXTRAORDINARY MEANS
It is often useful for individuals to inform their
loved ones in advance of their specific desires
about resuscitation and what extraordinary means
should or should not be employed to prolong their
life. Be very careful, however, before signing any
living wills! Not all such documents are in line
with Catholic moral theology. It is wise to review
the contents of any such statement with the
hospital chaplain or any priest you know will
advise you correctly on the Church's teachings in
this matter. Catholic moral theology teaches that
it is permissible to deny extraordinary means to
prolong a person's life, but never ordinary means.
Ordinary means (food, water, normal medication,
etc.) must always be employed. Extraordinary means
(serious surgery, transplants, etc.) are
permissible but by no means required. Do Not
Resuscitate orders (DNR) are permissible, but
orders to directly cause death are not. In
summary, it is permissible to allow a person to
die naturally and return to the Lord, but it is
never permissible to do anything or to deny any
ordinary means so as to deliberately cause or
hasten death. Before signing any living wills,
check them over carefully with a priest or another
responsible individual, or you may end up signing,
not a living will, but your death wish!
PRE-ARRANGEMENTS
Many people find it very helpful to sit down with
a funeral director beforehand to discuss
arrangements. It is difficult to make major
decisions at a moment when you are emotionally
overwhelmed. Knowing your loved ones' desires can
be of major help. For example, a person's desire
to donate organs would need to be known
beforehand. (Organ donation is permissible
provided death does not have to be hastened in
order to obtain the organs.) Making donations to
charity in lieu of flowers, choosing burial plots,
etc. are sometimes easier to do before the moment
of death.
WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE
HAS DIED
When someone you love has died, a priest will be
happy to come to your home or to the hospital to
pray with you. It is not possible to celebrate the
Anointing of the Sick once the person has already
died, as sacraments are for the living. We will,
however, be happy to come and bless the body, pray
with you, and offer any assistance possible. Upon
the death of your loved one, contact the funeral
director of your choice. The funeral director will
assist you with all the details, including
notifying the church and arranging the Funeral
Mass.
THE WAKE
We strongly encourage the celebration of a wake
for the deceased, even if for only an hour or two
the night before the Funeral Mass. While the
Funeral Mass is for the deceased, the wake is for
the living, and is a vital part of the grieving
process. It provides a powerful means of receiving
the comfort of family and friends to help you
through the difficult mourning period. In
addition, one of the priests will come and offer
prayers of hope and consolation.
THE FUNERAL MASS
At our baptism, every Christian is clothed with
Christ and is made a member of His Body, the
Church. When a Catholic Christian dies, we present
his body to the Church, bless it with holy water,
incense it, and present his soul to God, asking
Him to be merciful in judgment. We honor the body
because it is a part of the full individual and
will rise from the dead on the last day. Our
prayers and the celebration of the Eucharist make
present the saving sacrifice of Christ on the
cross, and assist our loved one by providing an
expiatory sacrifice for the forgiveness of his
sins. It is the most important of all the prayers
we offer for our loved one. In light of this
belief, the proper funeral service for a Catholic
is a Mass of Christian Burial, or a Funeral Mass.
The Funeral Mass is the Church's final act of
blessing for the person who has died. It is often
commonly misbelieved that people who were not
churchgoers may not have a Funeral Mass. This is
not true. All Catholics have a right to, and
should receive a Funeral Mass. A Funeral Mass
should never be denied a Catholic unless there is
a serious reason to do so. If you feel there is a
serious reason why a Funeral Mass would not be an
appropriate way to celebrate the funeral rites of
your loved one, we ask you to kindly contact one
of the priests of Sacred Heart Church so that we
may discuss what would be the best way to commend
your loved one to the Lord.
CREMATION
The Catholic Church prefers that the body of a
loved one be buried. There are, however,
situations in which a family decides that
cremation is a more suitable, or perhaps a
necessary, form of burial. In the past, the Church
did not permit cremation because there were groups
hostile to Christianity that deliberately
practiced cremation so as to deny the resurrection
of the body on the Last Day. Since this is no
longer a worry, the Church now permits cremation,
provided it is not being done so as to deny the
resurrection of the body. If you should choose to
have your loved one cremated, it is preferred and
strongly urged that this take place after the
Funeral Mass and not before. If cremation must
take place before the Funeral Mass, the ashes, or
cremains, should be placed in a worthy vessel. You
can purchase a proper urn in a variety of pleasant
options from your funeral director. The cremains
must be buried in the same manner in which a body
would be buried. It is not permissible to scatter
ashes or to keep them in an urn on a mantle or
tabletop. All cremains must be placed in a grave,
mausoleum, or columbarium.
SELECTING READINGS AND HYMNS
Family members often wish to select readings and
hymns for the Mass. Your funeral director has a
copy of the choices of readings that are used at a
Funeral Mass. The first reading is taken from the
Old Testament; the second reading is taken from
the New Testament. During the Easter season, it is
appropriate that the first reading be taken from
one of selections from the Acts of the Apostles.
You are welcome to have members of your family
proclaim the two readings. The individuals chosen,
however, should preferably be people comfortable
with public speaking who will be well composed on
the day of the funeral. The Gospel reading is
always proclaimed by the priest or a deacon. We
will be happy, to the extent possible, to honor
your requests for any specific hymns which you
feel will be prayerful and will comfort you at the
Funeral Mass. Please bear in mind, however, that
the purpose of our song is not to pay tribute to
the life of the individual but to praise the Lord
and present our loved one to Him in prayerful
song. Thus, all songs at the funeral must by songs
of worship that are normally sung at Mass. It
would not be appropriate, for example, to request
a song by your loved one's favorite rock group or
from his favorite Broadway show be performed at
the funeral.
EULOGIES
It is occasionally desired by the family that one
of the members give a eulogy at the end of Mass.
While we realize that this is often a powerful
means of healing and can be a most appropriate way
of expressing a public farewell to our beloved, we
are unfortunately often under time restrictions
and a strict time schedule at the Funeral Mass.
There may be a second funeral coming in shortly,
or the cemetery may need to have you arrive at a
certain time, etc. All these concerns can
unfortunately make a person delivering a eulogy
feel rushed, which lessens the comfort the words
may bring. We therefore request that all eulogies
be given during the wake, when there is more time
available and more people who wish may speak than
we could possibly permit at Mass. Should, however,
there be a compelling reason why presenting the
eulogy at Mass would be necessary, we ask that, in
accordance with approved archdiocesan guidelines,
the following be observed: only one person should
approach to speak rather than a series of people.
The speaker should be someone comfortable with
public speaking who will be well composed and
therefore comforting to you and to your guests.
The eulogy should be brief – two or three minutes
- positive in nature, and be appropriate to be
delivered at Mass. The eulogy should emphasize the
Christian faith of the individual and our
gratitude to God for the gift of this beloved
person in our lives. It might be helpful to have
the speaker write out his words and share them
with the priest beforehand. If you wish, it would
be perfectly appropriate for an individual merely
to thank those who have come to offer their
support.
MEMORIALS
The best spiritual gift for a person who has died
is to offer a Mass for the repose of his soul and
the forgiveness of any sins he may have committed.
A set number of announced Masses is available each
year. There is no spiritual difference between an
announced and an unannounced Mass. An announced
Mass offers the family the opportunity to attend
the actual Mass being offered; however, they
usually must be booked at least a year in advance.
Unannounced Masses will be offered in a shorter
period of time, but will be offered in private. In
addition to Masses, the bread and wine and the
sanctuary lamp may be offered in memory of the
person. The names of those being so honored are
published weekly in our church bulletin. It is
often desired by family and friends to purchase an
item in memory of their loved one. We would ask
you kindly to consult the pastor of the parish
before purchasing the item. This will assure that
your gift will be something that will be used on a
regular basis. If you wish to make a donation to
the church in your loved one's memory or if your
loved one has requested that you do so, please
call the pastor and speak with him. There are a
variety of ways to leave money to the Church;
thus, you may inadvertently make a type of
donation that you did not intend. By contacting
the pastor before making a bequest, you can assure
that your donation is applied in the manner in
which you intend.
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